8-bit Zombacalypse

By the way, I'm totally willing to cave to peer pressure and buy "Left 4 Dead 2" if enough of my Xbox Live friends are playing.

Left 4 Don't

Friends, I hated the demo for "Left 4 Dead 2." I hated it so much, in fact, that I am considering not purchasing a retail copy.

However, I encourage you to try the Xbox 360 demo. You will be amazed by the horrible framerate, aghast at the dated graphics, floored by the tacked-on qualities that make "Left 4 Dead 2" an overpriced mod instead of a true sequel.

Chances are you won't find it as offensive as I did. After all, I hated the new "Star Trek" movie while everyone else loved it. So maybe you'll look past L4D2's faults and love it anyway. I'll be left with the bitter realization that my worst fears about a slapped-together sequel may just come true.

Game Brainsss

This week's Game Brain, now with 50% more brain-related puns!

While You Were Out...

Most people grow up and move out of their parents' house. I'm at an awkward stage where I live at home while attending college. This internship of mine, 1,000 miles away from home, is a little taste of that, with one difference.

I don't have my stuff!

My decision not to haul my Xbox 360 down from Michigan to South Carolina has, so far, been proven correct. My apartment came with a standard def TV and road-construction-in-Michigan slow internet.

You may remember all that talk I spouted a few months back about reconnecting with my old Nintendo 64? Turns out the second honeymoon wasn't as great as I'd thought it would be. The new games were either impossibly hard or unappealing after beating them. The only fun that remained was with the favorites. All guns, invincibility, infinite ammo in "Goldeneye 007" is still the way to go. I'm saving up "Perfect Dark" action 'til fall.

There are games on my Xbox 360 that I'd love to have with me here, even if it was just one at a time. Well, maybe just "Fallout 3" and "FarCry 2". Can't include "Left4Dead" in this desert island scenario. I love the whole library, but most of the games have been played to death. But, I still have a little more to wring form F3 and F2. It's killing me that I can't sink my thumbs into "Point Lookout", the newest batch of F3 DLC.

Sadly, my reunions with my beloved possesions will be cut brutally short by another fall semester at college. My senior year, to be exact. Oh, don't worry... I won't be graduating in 2010. Neither will a lot of kids. Western Michigan University's imaging department doesn't want you to have time actually take any of the stupid gen-ed requirements they throw at you. No! That would be too easy! You're in college! You're supposed to be smart!

Yeah? Well, I'm supposed to be paying you to guide me through an educational path to a good career, not play "Let's F%#& Up Your Schedule". I swear, the federal government could learn a lot from college bureaucrats. Anyway, needed to get that off my chest. Safer than ranting about my current situation, which carries a great deal of weight on my future plans, college and beyond.

Point is, baby needs his pacifying. More than I miss my family (I'm sure their visit next week will clear that right up), I miss my stuff, my video games chiefly. That's an unhealthy dependence, isn't it? Valuing your life based on what material goods you have. But what else is there? Why do we have jobs and participate in the economy? Not mearly to just survive; we want more, we want better, and we want it now.

The rednecks down here blow off steam hunting and fishing. My hunting and fishing is a spirited game of "Left 4 Dead", Hunting Survivors and fishing up noobs with the Smoker.

Someday...

A Survivor’s Guide to Etiquette, Part I

If Miss Manners became an Infected in Left 4 Dead, she would no doubt teach you some etiquette before gnawing your face off. Every online game has basic behavioral guidelines to ensure a fun, fair experience for everyone. However, Left 4 Dead has a few more nuances due to its close-knit, team-based gameplay. Here are ten essential rules (no particular order of importance) that every Survivor should keep in mind the next time he or she goes zombie hunting with their posse.

1. Sit Reps: Frequently tell your team what your status is. Are you lagging behind with common Infected slowing you down? Your team should know so they can slow down and lend a hand. Getting Smoked or Pounced during a Boomer-induced horde may not be evident to your blinded teammates, so speak up.

2. Don’t Go it Alone: Whether you’re looking for goodies or just sprinting ahead, do not go anywhere without at least one other Survivor. You can bet that your teammates will be pissed when you get attacked when you’re all alone and it takes them a minute to get to you.

3. All at Once unto the Breach: Changes in landscape like ledges, holes, and ladders should always be traversed by everyone at the same time. The last person to jump down may get incapacitated, and the team will be helpless to save him or her.

4. Fire in the Hole: Coordinate with your team who has what type of grenade and when they should use it. Always declare your intent to use the weapon before throwing it: this prevents two grenades going out at the same time.

5. Unfriendly Fire: Practice begets discipline. Discipline begets accuracy. Accuracy begets not grazing your teammates with buckshot. Friendly fire will happen, but you can reduce it by making every shot count. Pay and spray only works in particularly heavy hordes and if there’s a Boss Infected right in front of you.

If you get into a heavy horde firefight, get you back up against a wall and move as little as possible. Wandering around in front of your teammates is likely to get you shot. In real life, you don’t dash in front of someone with a loaded gun and finger on the trigger. Keep your lines of fire open and your teammates in good health.

Pills Here!

I've been on a bit of a Left 4 Dead kick lately. It doesn't have as many hilarious YouTube videos as, say, Team Fortress 2, but there's some good stuff about everyone's favorite painkiller.



I'm still waiting on an explanation as to why they chug the whole bottle at once. Can't the Survivors share? Or, I dunno, only take one or two pills at a time? They'll OD before the zombies get to them.